Sayings of Light and Love (Dichos de Luz y Amor) by St. John of the Cross

From: The Collected Works Of St. John Of The Cross, translated by Kieran Kavanaugh, OCD, and Otilio Rodriguez, OCD, revised edition (1991), copyright ICS Publications. Permission is hereby granted for any non-commercial use, if this copyright notice is included.

Introduction

In the style of the apothegms of the Desert Fathers, John of the Cross's teaching first comes in these hard, clean, unsentimental sayings that overflow with spiritual wisdom. They give to their recipients treasures that must first be unlocked; as maxims they were to be repeated and mulled over. While he was spiritual director in Avila, before he had undertaken any of his larger treatises, John jotted down many thoughts and counsels for the guidance of those whom he directed, probably similar to the ones expressed in the later collections. None of those earlier sayings has come down to us, but we know from witnesses that this practice was characteristic of the Carmelite confessor at that time. After John's imprisonment in Toledo, when he took up spiritual direction again, this time in Andalusia, he returned once more to the practice of condensing his thought into concise spiritual counsels for his penitents. They could keep them for inspiration, so as to be stirred in the Lord's service and love. Sometimes these sayings were directed to the particular needs of an individual; at other times they were destined more for a group of persons. The number of sayings that circulated must have been large, but comparatively few have come down to us, and they come through different collections.

The most distinguished collection is contained in an autograph manuscript, the largest autograph we have from John. Restored in 1976 and reproduced in a facsimile edition, the manuscript is preserved in the church Santa Maria la Mayor in Andajar (JaŽn). In his prologue to this collection, John calls his maxims "sayings of light and love". The title, Sayings of Light and Love, comes then from John's own words, and provides a good general designation for the other collections as well. Footnotes will indicate where one collection ends and another begins and the source from which each comes.

Sometimes, rather than being counsels destined for others, these sayings have an autobiographical coloring, as for example in the celebrated Prayer of a Soul Taken with Love. Here John in a profound experience of spiritual poverty becomes aware that God has pardoned him and given him everything in Jesus Christ; love then carries him off in a lyric outburst.

Though these sayings do not follow in any systematic order, we do find in them the important themes that the Carmelite friar developed at length in his major works. What he there expounds in detail, he here compresses into dense aphorisms. Much difficulty lies in deciding whether many of the maxims attributed to John actually did come from his pen, or disciples culled them from his sermons and conferences, or if they are simply spurious. Omitting the counsels of Madre Magdalena because they are repetitions of those given in chapter 13 of the first book of the The Ascent of Mount Carmel, we include here only those sayings that editors have considered trustworthy.

Prologue

O my God and my delight, for your love I have also desired to give my soul to composing these sayings of light and love concerning you. Since, although I can express them in words, I do not have the works and virtues they imply (which is what pleases you, O my Lord, more than the words and wisdom they contain), may others, perhaps stirred by them, go forward in your service and love -- in which I am wanting. I will thereby find consolation, that these sayings be an occasion for your finding in others the things that I lack. Lord, you love discretion, you love light, you love love; these three you love above the other operations of the soul. Hence these will be sayings of discretion for the wayfarer, of light for the way, and of love in the wayfaring. May there be nothing of worldly rhetoric in them or the long-winded and dry eloquence of weak and artificial human wisdom, which never pleases you. Let us speak to the heart words bathed in sweetness and love that do indeed please you, removing obstacles and stumbling blocks from the paths of many souls who unknowingly trip and unconsciously walk in the path of error -- poor souls who think they are right in what concerns the following of your beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in becoming like him, imitating his life, actions, and virtues, and the form of his nakedness and purity of spirit. Father of mercies, come to our aid, for without you, Lord, we can do nothing.

1. The Lord has always revealed to mortals the treasures of his wisdom and his spirit, but now that the face of evil bares itself more and more, so does the Lord bare his treasures more.
2. O Lord, my God, who will seek you with simple and pure love, and not find that you are all one can desire, for you show yourself first and go out to meet those who seek you?
3. Though the path is plain and smooth for people of good will, those who walk it will not travel far, and will do so only with difficulty if they do not have good feet, courage, and tenacity of spirit.
4. It is better to be burdened and in company with the strong than to be unburdened and with the weak. When you are burdened you are close to God, your strength, who abides with the afflicted. When you are relieved of the burden you are close to yourself, your own weakness; for virtue and strength of soul grow and are confirmed in the trials of patience.
5. Whoever wants to stand alone without the support of a master and guide will be like the tree that stands alone in a field without a proprietor. No matter how much the tree bears, passers-by will pick the fruit before it ripens.
6. A tree that is cultivated and guarded through the care of its owner produces its fruit at the expected time.
7. The virtuous soul that is alone and without a master is like a lone burning coal; it will grow colder rather than hotter.
8. Those who fall alone remain alone in their fall, and they value their soul little since they entrust it to themselves alone.
9. If you do not fear falling alone, do you presume that you will rise up alone? Consider how much more can be accomplished by two together than by one alone.
10. Whoever falls while heavily laden will find it difficult to rise under the burden.
11. The blind person who falls will not be able to get up alone; the blind person who does get up alone will go off on the wrong road.
12. God desires the smallest degree of purity of conscience in you more than all the works you can perform.
13. God desires the least degree of obedience and submissiveness more than all those services you think of rendering him.
14. God values in you the inclination to dryness and suffering for love of him more than all the consolations, spiritual visions, and meditations you could possibly have.
15. Deny your desires and you will find what your heart longs for. For how do you know if any desire of yours is according to God?
16. O sweetest love of God, so little known, whoever has found this rich mine is at rest!
17. Since a double measure of bitterness must follow the doing of your own will, do not do it even though you remain in single bitterness.
18. The soul that carries within itself the least appetite for worldly things bears more unseemliness and impurity in its journey to God than if it were troubled by all the hideous and annoying temptations and darknesses describable; for, so long as it does not consent to these temptations, a soul thus tried can approach God confidently, by doing the will of His Majesty, who proclaims: Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will refresh you [Mt. 11:28].
19. The soul that in aridity and trial submits to the dictates of reason is more pleasing to God than one that does everything with consolation, yet fails in this submission.
20. God is more pleased by one work, however small, done secretly, without desire that it be known, than a thousand done with the desire that people know of them. Those who work for God with purest love not only care nothing about whether others see their works, but do not even seek that God himself know of them. Such persons would not cease to render God the same services, with the same joy and purity of love, even if God were never to know of these.
21. The pure and whole work done for God in a pure heart merits a whole kingdom for its owner.
22. A bird caught in birdlime has a twofold task: It must free itself and cleanse itself. And by satisfying their appetites, people suffer in a twofold way: They must detach themselves and, after being detached, clean themselves of what has clung to them.
23. Those who do not allow their appetites to carry them away will soar in their spirit as swiftly as the bird that lacks no feathers.
24. The fly that clings to honey hinders its flight, and the soul that allows itself attachment to spiritual sweetness hinders its own liberty and contemplation.
25. Withdraw from creatures if you desire to preserve, clear and simple in your soul, the image of God. Empty your spirit and withdraw far from them and you will walk in divine lights, for God is not like creatures.

Prayer of a Soul Taken with Love

26. Lord God, my Beloved, if you still remember my sins in such a way that you do not do what I beg of you, do your will concerning them, my God, which is what I most desire, and exercise your goodness and mercy, and you will be known through them. And if you are waiting for my good works so as to hear my prayer through their means, grant them to me, and work them for me, and the sufferings you desire to accept, and let it be done. But if you are not waiting for my works, what is it that makes you wait, my most clement Lord?Why do you delay? For if, after all, I am to receive the grace and mercy that I entreat of you in your Son, take my mite, since you desire it, and grant me this blessing, since you also desire that.
. Who can free themselves from lowly manners and limitations if you do not lift them to yourself, my God, in purity of love? How will human beings begotten and nurtured in lowliness rise up to you, Lord, if you do not raise them with your hand that made them?
. You will not take from me, my God, what you once gave me in your only Son, Jesus Christ, in whom you gave me all I desire. Hence I rejoice that if I wait for you, you will not delay.
With what procrastinations do you wait, since from this very moment you can love God in your heart?
27. Mine are the heavens and mine is the earth. Mine are the nations, the just are mine, and mine the sinners. The angels are mine, and the Mother of God, and all things are mine; and God himself is mine and for me, because Christ is mine and all for me. What do you ask, then, and seek, my soul? Yours is all of this, and all is for you. Do not engage yourself in something less or pay heed to the crumbs that fall from your Father's table. Go forth and exult in your Glory! Hide yourself in it and rejoice, and you will obtain the supplications of your heart.
28. The very pure spirit does not bother about the regard of others or human respect, but communes inwardly with God, alone and in solitude as to all forms, and with delightful tranquility, for the knowledge of God is received in divine silence.
29. A soul enkindled with love is a gentle, meek, humble, and patient soul.
30. A soul that is hard because of self-love grows harder.
31. O good Jesus, if you do not soften it, it will ever continue in its natural hardness.
32. If you lose an opportunity you will be like one who lets the bird fly away; you will never get it back.
33. I didn't know you, my Lord, because I still desired to know and relish things.
34. Well and good if all things change, Lord God, provided we are rooted in you.
35. One human thought alone is worth more than the entire world, hence God alone is worthy of it.
36. For the insensible, what you do not feel; for the sensible, the senses; and for the spirit of God, thought.
37. Reflect that your guardian angel does not always move your desire for an action, but he does always enlighten your reason. Hence, in order to practice virtue do not wait until you feel like it, for your reason and intellect are sufficient.
38. When fixed on something else, one's appetite leaves no room for the angel to move it.
39. My spirit has become dry because it forgets to feed on you.
40. What you most seek and desire you will not find by this way of yours, nor through high contemplation, but in much humility and submission of heart.
41. Do not tire yourself, for you will not enter into the savor and sweetness of spirit if you do not apply yourself to the mortification of all this that you desire.
42. Reflect that the most delicate flower loses its fragrance and withers fastest; therefore guard yourself against seeking to walk in a spirit of delight, for you will not be constant. Choose rather for yourself a robust spirit, detached from everything, and you will discover abundant peace and sweetness, for delicious and durable fruit is gathered in a cold and dry climate.
43. Bear in mind that your flesh is weak and that no worldly thing can comfort or strengthen your spirit, for what is born of the world is world and what is born of the flesh is flesh. The good spirit is born only of the Spirit of God, who communicates himself neither through the world nor through the flesh.
44. Be attentive to your reason in order to do what it tells you concerning the way to God. It will be more valuable before your God than all the works you perform without this attentiveness and all the spiritual delights you seek.
45. Blessed are they who, setting aside their own pleasure and inclination, consider things according to reason and justice before doing them.
46. If you make use of your reason, you are like one who eats substantial food; but if you are moved by the satisfaction of your will, you are like one who eats insipid fruit.
47. Lord, you return gladly and lovingly to lift up the one who offends you, but I do not turn to raise and honor the one who annoys me.
48. O mighty Lord, if a spark from the empire of your justice effects so much in the mortal ruler who governs the nations, what will your all-powerful justice do with the righteous and the sinner?
49. If you purify your soul of attachments and desires, you will understand things spiritually. If you deny your appetite for them, you will enjoy their truth, understanding what is certain in them.
50. O Lord, my God, you are no stranger to those who do not estrange themselves from you. How do they say that it is you who absent yourself?
51. That person has truly mastered all things who is not moved to joy by the satisfaction they afford or saddened by their insipidness.
52. If you wish to attain holy recollection, you will do so not by receiving but by denying.
53. Going everywhere, my God, with you, everywhere things will happen as I desire for you.
54. Souls will be unable to reach perfection who do not strive to be content with having nothing, in such fashion that their natural and spiritual desire is satisfied with emptiness; for this is necessary in order to reach the highest tranquility and peace of spirit. Hence the love of God in the pure and simple soul is almost continually in act.
55. Since God is inaccessible, be careful not to concern yourself with all that your faculties can comprehend and your senses feel, so that you do not become satisfied with less and lose the lightness of soul suitable for going to him.
56. The soul that journeys to God, but does not shake off its cares and quiet its appetites, is like one who drags a cart uphill.
57. It is not God's will that a soul be disturbed by anything or suffer trials, for if one suffers trials in the adversities of the world it is because of a weakness in virtue. The perfect soul rejoices in what afflicts the imperfect one.
58. This way of life contains very little business and bustling, and demands mortification of the will more than knowledge. The less one takes of things and pleasures the farther one advances along this way.
59. Think not that pleasing God lies so much in doing a great deal as in doing it with good will, without possessiveness and human respect.
60. When evening comes, you will be examined in love. Learn to love as God desires to be loved and abandon your own ways of acting.
61. See that you do not interfere in the affairs of others, nor even allow them to pass through your memory; for perhaps you will be unable to accomplish your own task.
62. Because the virtues you have in mind do not shine in your neighbor, do not think that your neighbor will not be precious in God's sight for reasons that you have not in mind.
63. Human beings know neither how to rejoice properly nor how to grieve properly, for they do not understand the distance between good and evil.
64. See that you are not suddenly saddened by the adversities of this world, for you do not know the good they bring, being ordained in the judgments of God for the everlasting joy of the elect.
65. Do not rejoice in temporal prosperity, since you do not know if it gives you assurance of eternal life.
66. In tribulation, immediately draw near to God with trust, and you will receive strength, enlightenment, and instruction.
67. In joys and pleasures, immediately draw near to God in fear and truth, and you will be neither deceived nor involved in vanity.
68. Take God for your bridegroom and friend, and walk with him continually; and you will not sin and will learn to love, and the things you must do will work out prosperously for you.
69. You will without labor subject the nations and bring things to serve you if you forget them and yourself as well.
70. Abide in peace, banish cares, take no account of all that happens, and you will serve God according to his good pleasure, and rest in him.
71. Consider that God reigns only in the peaceful and disinterested soul.
72. Although you perform many works, if you do not deny your will and submit yourself, losing all solicitude about yourself and your affairs, you will not make progress.
73. What does it profit you to give God one thing if he asks of you another? Consider what it is God wants, and then do it. You will as a result satisfy your heart better than with something toward which you yourself are inclined.
74. How is it you dare to relax so fearlessly, since you must appear before God to render an account of the least word and thought?
75. Reflect that many are called but few are chosen [Mt. 22:14] and that, if you are not careful, your perdition is more certain than your salvation, especially since the path to eternal life is so constricted [Mt. 7:14].
76. Do not rejoice vainly, for you know how many sins you have committed and you do not know how you stand before God; but have fear together with confidence.
77. Since, when the hour of reckoning comes, you will be sorry for not having used this time in the service of God, why do you not arrange and use it now as you would wish to have done were you dying?
78. If you desire that devotion be born in your spirit and that the love of God and the desire for divine things increase, cleanse your soul of every desire, attachment, and ambition in such a way that you have no concern about anything. Just as a sick person is immediately aware of good health once the bad humor has been thrown off and a desire to eat is felt, so will you recover your health, in God, if you cure yourself as was said. Without doing this, you will not advance no matter how much you do.
79. If you desire to discover peace and consolation for your soul and to serve God truly, do not find your satisfaction in what you have left behind, because in that which now concerns you you may be as impeded as you were before, or even more. But leave as well all these other things and attend to one thing alone that brings all these with it (namely, holy solitude, together with prayer and spiritual and divine reading), and persevere there in forgetfulness of all things. For if these things are not incumbent on you, you will be more pleasing to God in knowing how to guard and perfect yourself than by gaining all other things together; what profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and suffer the loss of one's soul? [Mt. 16:26]. [1]
80. Bridle your tongue and your thoughts very much, direct your affection habitually toward God, and your spirit will be divinely enkindled.
81. Feed not your spirit on anything but God. Cast off concern about things, and bear peace and recollection in your heart.
82. Keep spiritually tranquil in a loving attentiveness to God, and when it is necessary to speak, let it be with the same calm and peace.
83. Preserve a habitual remembrance of eternal life, recalling that those who hold themselves the lowest and poorest and least of all will enjoy the highest dominion and glory in God.
84. Rejoice habitually in God, who is your salvation [Lk. 1:47], and reflect that it is good to suffer in any way for him who is good.
85. Reflect how necessary it is to be enemies of self and to walk to perfection by the path of holy rigor, and understand that every word spoken without the order of obedience is laid to your account by God.
86. Have an intimate desire that His Majesty grant you what he knows you lack for his honor.
87. Crucified inwardly and outwardly with Christ, you will live in this life with fullness and satisfaction of soul, and possess your soul in patience [Lk. 21:19].
88. Preserve a loving attentiveness to God with no desire to feel or understand any particular thing concerning him.
89. Keep habitual confidence in God, esteeming in yourself and in your Sisters those things that God most values, which are spiritual goods.
90. Enter within yourself and work in the presence of your Bridegroom, who is ever present loving you.
91. Be hostile to admitting into your soul things that of themselves have no spiritual substance, lest they make you lose your liking for devotion and recollection.
92. Let Christ crucified be enough for you, and with him suffer and take your rest, and hence annihilate yourself in all inward and outward things
93. Endeavor always that things be not for you, nor you for them, but forgetful of all, abide in recollection with your Bridegroom.
94. Have great love for trials and think of them as but a small way of pleasing your Bridegroom, who did not hesitate to die for you.
95. Bear fortitude in your heart against all things that move you to that which is not God, and be a friend of the Passion of Christ.
96. Be interiorly detached from all things and do not seek pleasure in any temporal thing, and your soul will concentrate on goods you do not know
97. The soul that walks in love neither tires others nor grows tired.
98. The poor one who is naked will be clothed; and the soul that is naked of desires and whims, God will clothe with his purity, pleasure, and will.
99. There are souls that wallow in the mire like animals, and there are others that soar like birds, which purify and cleanse themselves in the air.
100. The Father spoke one Word, which was his Son, and this Word he speaks always in eternal silence, and in silence must it be heard by the soul.
101. We must adjust our trials to ourselves, and not ourselves to our trials.
102. He who seeks not the cross of Christ seeks not the glory of Christ.
103. To be taken with love for a soul, God does not look on its greatness, but on the greatness of its humility.
104. "Whoever is ashamed to confess me before others, I shall be ashamed to confess before My Father," says the Lord [Mt. 10:33].
105. Frequent combing gives the hair more luster and makes it easier to comb; a soul that frequently examines its thoughts, words, and deeds, which are its hair, doing all things for the love of God, will have lustrous hair. Then the Bridegroom will look on the neck of the bride and thereby be captivated; and will be wounded by one of her eyes, that is, by the purity of intention she has in all she does. If in combing hair one wants it to have luster, one begins from the crown. All our works must begin from the crown (the love of God) if we wish them to be pure and lustrous.[2]
106. Heaven is stable and is not subject to generation; and souls of a heavenly nature are stable and not subject to the engendering of desires or of anything else, for in their way they resemble God who does not move forever.
107. Eat not in forbidden pastures (those of this life), because blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied [Mt. 5:6]. What God seeks, he being himself God by nature, is to make us gods through participation, just as fire converts all things into fire.
108. All the goodness we possess is lent to us, and God considers it his own work. God and his work is God.
109. Wisdom enters through love, silence, and mortification. It is great wisdom to know how to be silent and to look at neither the remarks, nor the deeds, nor the lives of others.
110. All for me and nothing for you.
111. All for you and nothing for me.
112. Allow yourself to be taught, allow yourself to receive orders, allow yourself to be subjected and despised, and you will be perfect.
113. Any appetite causes five kinds of harm in the soul: first, disquiet; second, turbidity; third, defilement; fourth, weakness; fifth, obscurity [3]
114. Perfection does not lie in the virtues that the soul knows it has, but in the virtues that our Lord sees in it. This is a closed book; hence one has no reason for presumption, but must remain prostrate on the ground with respect to self.
115. Love consists not in feeling great things but in having great detachment and in suffering for the Beloved.
116. The entire world is not worthy of a human being's thought, for this belongs to God alone; any thought, therefore, not centered on God is stolen from him.
117. Not all the faculties and senses have to be employed in things, but only those that are required; as for the others, leave them unoccupied for God.
118. Ignoring the imperfections of others, preserving silence and a continual communion with God will eradicate great imperfections from the soul and make it the possessor of great virtues.
119. There are three signs of inner recollection: first, a lack of satisfaction in passing things; second, a liking for solitude and silence, and an attentiveness to all that is more perfect; third, the considerations, meditations and acts that formerly helped the soul now hinder it, and it brings to prayer no other support than faith, hope, and love.[4]
120. If a soul has more patience in suffering and more forbearance in going without satisfaction, the sign is there of its being more proficient in virtue.
121. The traits of the solitary bird are five: first, it seeks the highest place; second, it withstands no company; third, it holds its beak in the air; fourth, it has no definite color; fifth, it sings sweetly. These traits must be possessed by the contemplative soul. It must rise above passing things, paying no more heed to them than if they did not exist. It must likewise be so fond of silence and solitude that it does not tolerate the company of another creature. It must hold its beak in the air of the Holy Spirit, responding to his inspirations, that by so doing it may become worthy of his company. It must have no definite color, desiring to do nothing definite other than the will of God. It must sing sweetly in the contemplation and love of its Bridegroom.[5]
122. Habitual voluntary imperfections that are never completely overcome not only hinder the divine union, but also the attainment of perfection. Such imperfections are: the habit of being very talkative; a small unconquered attachment, such as to a person, to clothing, to a cell, a book, or to the way food is prepared, and to other conversations and little satisfactions in tasting things, in knowing, and hearing, and the like.[6]
123. If you wish to glory in yourself, but do not wish to appear ignorant and foolish, discard the things that are not yours and you will have glory in what remains. But certainly if you discard all that is not yours, nothing will be left, since you must not glory in anything if you do not want to fall into vanity. But let us descend now especially to those graces, the gifts that make people pleasing in God's sight. It is certain that you must not glory in these gifts, for you do not even know if you possess them.
124. Oh, how sweet your presence will be to me, you who are the supreme good! I must draw near you in silence and uncover your feet that you may be pleased to unite me to you in marriage [Ru. 3:7], and I will not rest until I rejoice in your arms. Now I ask you, Lord, not to abandon me at any time in my recollection, for I am a squanderer of my soul.
125. Detached from exterior things, dispossessed of interior things, disappropriated of the things of God -- neither will prosperity detain you nor adversity hinder you.
126. The devil fears a soul united to God as he does God himself. [7]
127. The purest suffering produces the purest understanding.[8]
128. The soul that desires God to surrender himself to it entirely must surrender itself entirely to him without keeping anything for itself.
129. The soul that has reached the union of love does not even experience the first motions of sin.
130. Old friends of God scarcely ever fail him, for they stand above all that can make them fail. [9]
131. My Beloved, all that is rugged and toilsome I desire for myself, and all that is sweet and delightful I desire for you. [10]
132. What we need most in order to make progress is to be silent before this great God with our appetite and with our tongue, for the language he best hears is silent love.
133. The submission of a servant is necessary in seeking God. In outward things light helps to prevent one from falling; but in the things of God just the opposite is true: It is better for the soul not to see if it is to be more secure.
134. More is gained in one hour from God's good things than in a whole lifetime from your own.
135. Love to be unknown both by yourself and by others. Never look at the good or evil of others.
136. Walk in solitude with God; act according to the just measure; hide the blessings of God.
137. To lose always and let everyone else win is a trait of valiant souls, generous spirits, and unselfish hearts; it is their manner to give rather than receive even to the extent of giving themselves. They consider it a heavy burden to possess themselves, and it pleases them more to be possessed by others and withdrawn from themselves, since we belong more to that infinite Good than we do to ourselves.
138. It is seriously wrong to have more regard for God's blessings than for God himself: prayer and detachment.
139. Look at that infinite knowledge and that hidden secret. What peace, what love, what silence is in that divine bosom! How lofty the science God teaches there, which is what we call the anagogical acts that so enkindle the heart.
140. The secret of one's conscience is considerably harmed and damaged as often as its fruits are manifested to others, for then one receives as reward the fruit of fleeting fame.
141. Speak little and do not meddle in matters about which you are not asked.
142. Strive always to keep God present and to preserve within yourself the purity he teaches you.
143. Do not excuse yourself or refuse to be corrected by all; listen to every reproof with a serene countenance; think that God utters it.
144. Live as though only God and yourself were in this world, so that your heart may not be detained by anything human.
145. Consider it the mercy of God that someone occasionally speaks a good word to you, for you deserve none.
146. Never allow yourself to pour out your heart, even though it be but for the space of a Creed.
147. Never listen to talk about the weaknesses of others, and if someone complains of another, you can tell her humbly to say nothing of it to you
148. Do not complain about anyone, or ask for anything; and if it is necessary for you to ask, let it be with few words.
149. Do not refuse work even though it seems that you cannot do it. Let all find compassion in you.
150. Do not contradict; by no means speak words that are not pure.
151. Let your speech be such that no one may be offended, and let it concern things that would not cause you regret were all to know of them.
152. Do not refuse anything you possess, even though you may need it.
153. Be silent concerning what God may have given you and recall that saying of the bride: My secret for myself [Is. 24:16].
154. Strive to preserve your heart in peace; let no event of this world disturb it; reflect that all must come to an end.
155. Take neither great nor little notice of who is with you or against you, and try always to please God. Ask him that his will be done in you. Love him intensely, as he deserves to be loved.
156. Twelve stars for reaching the highest perfection: love of God, love of neighbor, obedience, chastity, poverty, attendance at choir, penance, humility, mortification, prayer, silence, peace.
157. Never take others for your example in the tasks you have to perform, however holy they may be, for the devil will set their imperfections before you. But imitate Christ, who is supremely perfect and supremely holy, and you will never err.
158. Seek in reading and you will find in meditation; knock in prayer and it will be opened to you in contemplation.[11]
159. The further you withdraw from earthly things the closer you approach heavenly things and the more you find in God.
160. Whoever knows how to die in all will have life in all.
161. Abandon evil, do good, and seek peace [Ps. 34:14].
162. Anyone who complains or grumbles is not perfect, nor even a good Christian.
163. The humble are those who hide in their own nothingness and know how to abandon themselves to God.
164. The meek are those who know how to suffer their neighbor and themselves.
165. If you desire to be perfect, sell your will, give it to the poor in spirit, come to Christ in meekness and humility, and follow him to Calvary and the sepulcher.
166. Those who trust in themselves are worse than the devil.
167. Those who do not love their neighbor abhor God.
168. Anyone who does things lukewarmly is close to falling.
169. Whoever flees prayer flees all that is good.
170. Conquering the tongue is better than fasting on bread and water.
171. Suffering for God is better than working miracles.
172. Oh, what blessings we will enjoy in the vision of the Most Blessed Trinity!
173. Do not be suspicious of your brother, for you will lose purity of heart.
174. As for trials, the more the better.
175. What does anyone know who doesn't know how to suffer for Christ?

Footnotes

1. The autography manuscript ends here abruptly. The following saying are the MAXIMS ON LOVE gathered by the Discalced Carmelite nuns in Beas. A manuscript copy is preserved in the Silverian archives in Burgos.

2. Cf. Canticle 31, 5-6.

3. Cf. Ascent 1, 6-10.

4. For more on these signs of contemplation, cf. Ascent 2, 13-14; Night 1, 9.

5. Cf. Canticle 15, 24.

6. Cf. Ascent 1, 11, 3-4. The following maxims are from the edition of Gerona, published in 1650.

7. Cf. Canticle 24, 4.

8. Cf. Canticle 36, 12.

9. Cf. Canticle 25, 9-11.

10. Cf. Canticle 28, 10.

11. This saying comes from the Cathrusian Guigo II's SCALA PARADISI, chapter 2, in Migne, PL 40, 998. The counsels that follow come from an old manuscript belonging to the Carmelite nuns in Antequera. A copy is preserved in the National Library of Madrid.

On New Years Resolutions: Who's will ... yours or His? by Pete Briscoe

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“New Year's Day… Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” —Mark Twain The big problem with New Year's resolutions is that they begin with the two words, "I will…" Mustering all of the sincerity and dedication that we are capable of, we determine that we will become something that we aren't and achieve something we have yet to do.  "I will…” Fill in the blank with anything you want: I will lose the weight! I will read the Bible every day! I will be courageous!   I will pay off the credit cards! I will fireproof my marriage! All the good intentions in the world aren’t going to get you anywhere when you start with those two words, “I will…” In fact, when we make any plan according to our will, and then try to do it through our will power, it’s destined to fail. That's not the way we were designed to live, and that's not the way we were designed to pray. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. —1 John 5:13-15 No, our prayers and plans need to begin with, "If You will, Lord… ” and any action must begin with the resolution to allow Christ to live through us, rather than attempting it in our own strength! Jesus, I am done with “I will.” In all the details of my life, I want Your will. My willpower is so limited. Yours is never ending. Whatever it is that You have planned to do through me this year, I place my trust in Your power working through me. Amen. Share this on Facebook:

Happy Thanksgiving: Thank you, Lord!

“No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 



Take this opportunity to post why you are thankful. Encourage some one today.” Pastor James Jackson’s November 22, 2011 post on Facebook.

"No matter what"? "Always be thankful"? This is hard, but despite everything that's been going on in my life and the mental strain, despite the personal struggles, I am thankful, I believe, I still believe. 

God's word soothes my spirit and mind. "For this is God's will for (we) who belong to Christ Jesus"? Amen. I do belong to Jesus. Without question, without a doubt, I am thankful for that. Father God's will is good. My will may not always be His, but His will is always good. 



My eyes may not always see things His way, but I still believe. I am thankful. If my life has taught me anything, it's that His ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts are more knowledgeable and considerate than mine, and He's faithful.



Isaiah 55:6-13 

I'm thankful for:

. Jesus

. My salvation

. His determination to suffer and die for our sin

. His tenacity to resurrect and conquer sin and death

. His word

. His love

. His grace

. My church

. My freedom

. My deliverance from alcohol and drug addiction

. My purpose

. My journey into purity

. The fight our Lord has fought for me

. My mother's education

. My father's service in Vietnam

. Mt grandmother's spiritual roots

. My family

. My friends

. My health

. My finances



What are you thankful for? Tell me why. 

Finish this.

Jesus is ______________. He has been ________________________________ as I've walked through _____________________________________. He's _______________________________.

My Deliverer by Rich Mullins

In all my need, He's come for me. He's come for you. Amen. Amen? 

Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is our Deliverer. 

General Message: Suggestions and Assistance Requested, Updates Coming Soon.

I'm working on some things and have something special in the works. Please be patient with me and continue to follow my blog and recommend it to others, both domestic and abroad.

I'm interested in enhancing the blogging experience. I'd love to hear from more of you more often. I'm interested in your thoughts, life stories, prayer requests. Can any of you tell me how to include a live chat box and message board on my blog?

If you know of any other ways I could enhance my blog, please share. I'm open to and welcome other suggestions. Thanks.

Grace and peace, blessings and honor in Christ.

Josh Kezer

Urgent! A Special Request For An Innocent Man Scheduled For Death, This Month, On September 21st

Troy Davis needs our help! 

"Hi Josh. I was wondering if you could post something about supporting Troy Davis and getting people to sign the petition against the state of Georgia putting him to death on 9/21. This makes me so sick! We've got to save him! I have posted it on both Ryan's and my page (on Facebook) if you'd like to copy and paste his picture and the website where people can go. Thank you so much! Hope you're doing well." Kelly Ferguson. 

I'd like to introduce you to Troy.

Take a look at his face. Kelly's a dear friend. Her brother's Ryan Ferguson. Most of you have noticed on here and elsewhere the fight I've put up for him. Ryan's a dear friend of mine, but this isn't about Ryan or me ... or is it? 

Look at his face. He's a man, a human being, a living and breathing life, God's creation. He's not just a story, a headline, a name, a number, a case file, an inmate, on death row. He's flesh and blood. He's God's creation. He's our brother, someone's son and a friend to others. Does he have kids? A wife? Please consider all of this. 

Innocence is innocence. Exonerating one of us is a victory for us all. Killing one of us is ... yeah. You guessed it. It's like killing us all. Please help us stop Troy's execution. 

Admittedly, I don't know as much about this case as Kelly, but if she believes him and supports him, so do I. It's that simple. I trust her ear, her heart and her character that much.  

Please. Go to the following link and voice your support for Troy. Thank you.

http://takeaction.amnestyusa.org/siteapps/advocacy/ActionItem.aspx?c=6oJCLQPAJiJUG&b=6645049&aid=12970

The Latest in the Life of My Case: Questions surround Kenny Hulshof’s tactics in murder prosecutions

After you read the article, please read the following comments and feel free to write your own. Thanks. I appreciate your willingness to read my blog and concern yourself with the issues that concern me. Bless you.
___________________________________________

Questions surround Kenny Hulshof’s tactics in murder prosecutions

By TONY RIZZO, The Kansas City Star

Kenny Hulshof once excelled at asking tough questions in Missouri courtrooms.

But this spring, the former star prosecutor and congressman found himself in the hot seat of the witness stand answering pointed inquiries from an attorney and a judge.

Across the courtroom sat Mark Woodworth, a former farm boy who has spent most of his adult life imprisoned for a murder that he says he didn’t commit.

Hulshof prosecuted Woodworth as an assistant attorney general in 1995 after already having built a statewide reputation as an aggressive and skilled legal tactician in trials for other accused killers.

Most, like Woodworth, ended up in a prison cell — some on death row.

But today, years after Hulshof tried his last criminal case, Woodworth is the latest inmate to pose what have become persistent questions.

Did Hulshof push the rules to win? And in doing so, did he sometimes convict innocent people?

Woodworth and his attorney contend in court documents that he did. They are seeking exoneration.

If Woodworth succeeds, it will mark the third time in as many years that a Hulshof-prosecuted murder defendant won his freedom after enduring roughly 15 years behind bars.

In their rulings, two judges have criticized Hulshof’s courtroom tactics. In court filings, several attorneys have accused Hulshof of making improper arguments to juries, misstating evidence or, in some cases, telling juries things that he knew, or should have known, weren’t true.

In one case, he argued there was blood on a defendant’s clothes even though scientific testing had not confirmed that. In another, he assured jurors that a crucial prosecution witness would be locked up for a decade for his role in a killing — but then the witness got off with probation.

And in some cases, including Woodworth’s, attorneys have claimed evidence was withheld from the defense.

In at least 13 murder cases, defense lawyers have alleged misconduct by Hulshof or others involved in prosecutions that he either assisted or led. In six of those, courts have thrown out convictions or overturned death sentences. In a seventh case, Missouri’s governor commuted the defendant’s death sentence to life in prison.

Hulshof vigorously defends his record. He said that he never withheld evidence personally, did not intentionally mislead jurors and always adhered to ethical standards.

“It’s your career. It’s your professionalism. It’s your reputation,” he said. “Those things were, and continue to be, very important to me.”

Though he spearheaded some prosecutions, Hulshof points out that he only assisted in others. Many of the prosecutorial misconduct accusations involve actions other than his own, he said. The same goes for claims of withheld evidence. Though prosecutors are responsible for forwarding all potentially useful evidence to the defense, Hulshof said he was as surprised as others to learn, sometimes years later, that investigators hadn’t given him everything that needed to be forwarded.

No court has found that Hulshof personally withheld evidence.

Hulshof notes that probably no Missouri prosecutor tried more murder cases during the six-plus years he was an assistant attorney general and that appellate lawyers employ “any and all means” to make their case.

“So in that regard, it comes with the territory,” he said of facing so many accusations.

Although he has not studied the specific allegations in Hulshof’s cases, Bennett Gershman, a nationally recognized authority on prosecutorial misconduct, said the number of reversals from Hulshof’s six-year tenure was “significant.”

“I don’t think this is something innocuous. … The numbers are pretty glaring,” said Gershman, a law professor at Pace University in New York who has written textbooks on prosecutorial ethics and lectured to prosecutors across the country, including in Missouri.

A 2003 study by the Washington-based Center for Public Integrity, a nonprofit investigative journalism center, found 77 Missouri cases dating to 1970 where judges cited, among other things, prosecutorial misconduct in reversing convictions or sentences.

Hulshof prosecuted or helped prosecute three of them.

The study’s authors called such reversals relatively rare and noted that any prosecutor who has more than one “belongs to a select club.”

Because so many questions have been raised in his cases, Hulshof’s mere involvement has become fodder for appeal.

“The actions of Mr. Hulshof are clearly part of a shocking pattern of deliberate disregard for the rights of many persons he has prosecuted,” Bob Ramsey, Woodworth’s current attorney, wrote in a court filing.

Hulshof said to consider the source: Ramsey is advocating passionately in a case he wants to win.

“The word ‘agenda’ may be too onerous,” Hulshof said. “But certainly he has a bias in favor of his client.”

Courtroom star

Words, and their power to persuade, made Hulshof a man to be reckoned with in small-town courtrooms across Missouri.

“He was a great public speaker and had a natural knack for the dramatic,” said Cape Girardeau County Prosecutor Morley Swingle, who gave Hulshof his first prosecutorial job in 1986.

Hulshof’s work in Cape Girardeau caught the eye of a lawyer with the Missouri attorney general’s office who recommended Hulshof for a job there. In 1989, he became an assistant attorney general.

He served as a troubleshooter, called in to help county prosecutors in complex cases throughout the state.

Hulshof prosecuted 58 defendants, most for murder — including the high-profile cases of Faye and Ray Copeland, the elderly couple sentenced to death for killing five transients on their Livingston County farm in the late 1980s.

In his murder cases alone, Hulshof won 28 convictions and lost only two trials. Seventeen other defendants pleaded guilty. One conviction later was overturned, and the defendant was acquitted in a second trial tried by a different prosecutor.

Attorneys sometimes drove across the state to see Hulshof deliver one of his impassioned closing arguments, a former colleague said.

“Golden-throated,” one courtroom adversary described him.

Juries loved Hulshof, say lawyers who tried cases against him. With his rural Missouri background and folksy style, he knew how to connect with the men and women he sought to persuade.

Attorney Steve Walsh from Poplar Bluff, Mo., one of the few lawyers to face Hulshof in a murder trial and win, described Hulshof as “very aggressive” and said he appeared “crushed” when he lost.

“I didn’t see him as having a bad character,” Walsh said. “But winning and putting a W in the win column meant a lot to him.”

Hulshof said he was “poignantly aware” that he was the voice of crime victims going through a terrible ordeal.

“On those occasions where the judge or jury found the prosecution’s case insufficient, it affected me personally, as I had empathy for those individuals who had looked to the legal system for justice and had found none,” he said.

Other adversaries said Hulshof was aggressive but treated them and their clients fairly.

“He was a formidable opponent,” said attorney Joel Eisenstein. “He was honest, forthright and a great lawyer.”

Like all good trial attorneys, Hulshof knew how to play to a jury and get the most from the evidence, Eisenstein said.

Some critics, however, allege in court records that Hulshof misrepresented available evidence to a jury.

Kansas City attorney Sean O’Brien, who has handled appeals for several Hulshof-prosecuted defendants, said that more than once he has uncovered instances where Hulshof elicited testimony from witnesses that was contrary to reports in the prosecutor’s file.

“Is he (Hulshof) doing it carelessly?” asked O’Brien, a law school professor at the University of Missouri-Kansas City. “Doesn’t he know the file?”

In 1996, Hulshof rode his successful record as a tough prosecutor to a seat in Congress. In 2008, he ran for governor of Missouri but lost to Jay Nixon, his former boss in the attorney general’s office. In 2009, he joined the Kansas City law firm Polsinelli Shughart, where he works in the firm’s public policy group.

Actual innocence

These days, on serene mornings fishing near Bagnell Dam along the banks of the Osage River, Dale Helmig enjoys the freedom he was denied so long.

But even that bucolic tableau can’t erase the painful memories of a man who spent nearly 15 years in prison for a killing that he says he didn’t commit. At least Helmig has someone to talk to who understands.

Josh Kezer also spent about 16 years in a Missouri prison for murder (The article mistakenly had 15 and I seen fit to correct it, as every year of my suffering mattered and still matters). Like Helmig, he was freed after a judge found he was convicted wrongfully.

Hulshof declined to say whether he still believes Helmig and Kezer are guilty, even as new evidence uncovered in recent years helped convince judges that they were not.

“I believed that when I went into court in each of those cases that we had a strong, albeit circumstantial evidence, case to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt,” he said.

It was about 40 meandering miles downstream from Bagnell Dam in 1993 that two fishermen discovered the body of Helmig’s mother tied to a concrete block.

There were no signs of injury to Norma Helmig, and an autopsy failed to reveal how she died. A coroner testified that absent any other cause, she probably died of asphyxiation.

In 1996, when Dale Helmig went to trial, Hulshof argued to the jury that Helmig smothered her with a pillow.

“It really hurt to hear that,” Helmig said recently.

The hurt only multiplied when the jury returned after about four hours of deliberation and proclaimed him guilty.

“That took the starch right out of me,” he said. “I never really thought I’d be found guilty. I thought if you were innocent and had an attorney, that’s all you needed.”

For Helmig, it wasn’t.

And he very well may have spent the rest of his life in prison if O’Brien hadn’t taken an interest in his case.

O’Brien initially declined to take the case. He changed his mind when he heard Hulshof had prosecuted Helmig.

With the help of the Midwestern Innocence Project and a cadre of lawyers, students and investigators, O’Brien spent years researching the facts surrounding the case.

“There is no question the jury was misled,” O’Brien said.

Last November, a judge came to the same conclusion.

“Mr. Helmig is the victim of a fundamental miscarriage of justice,” DeKalb County Senior Circuit Judge Warren McElwain wrote.

He ordered Helmig freed.

McElwain found that Hulshof “knew or should have known” that testimony heard by jurors was false.

He cited testimony by a state trooper when Hulshof asked him if Helmig had denied killing his mother.

“Sir, at any time during these contacts, and particularly during this conversation which you’ve just shared with us, did Dale Helmig ever deny killing Norma Helmig to you?” Hulshof asked the trooper at trial.

The trooper answered: “No, sir, he did not.”

Yet the trooper’s written report in the prosecutor’s file said: “He (Dale Helmig) stated that he did not murder his mother.”

Hulshof told The Star that he was trying to focus the trooper’s testimony on one specific interview when Helmig didn’t deny the killing, not on other times when he did.

“The question was a bad question,” Hulshof said. “It wasn’t to try to obfuscate.”

In another instance, the judge found that jurors were left with the impression that a few days before the murder, Helmig threw a cup of coffee in his mother’s face during an argument at a restaurant. Actually, another person had thrown coffee in her face. In his ruling, the judge said prosecutors cited unproven allegations of a similar incident involving Helmig.

The judge termed it a “highly improper and prejudicial” tactic.

In his ruling, he also noted that law enforcement officers concealed information and evidence from the defense and that Helmig’s lawyer was ineffective and may have been under the influence of drugs during the trial.

Beyond his findings that the prosecution’s actions had denied Helmig a fair trial, McElwain found that Helmig presented clear and convincing evidence of actual innocence.

No direct or physical evidence tied Helmig to the scene, McElwain noted. Law enforcement officers had recanted or clarified important aspects of the case, including the coffee incident. And new evidence — involving the victim’s purse — supported Helmig’s innocence, the judge said.

The purse was found in a field seven months after the killing. The prosecution contended that Dale Helmig threw it away the night of the crime. However, a canceled check in the purse had cleared the bank after Norma Helmig’s death. It would have arrived at her home almost two weeks after her murder.

“The evidence surrounding the check establishes that Mrs. Helmig’s purse could not have been thrown into the river on the night of her death, as argued by the prosecution,” the judge wrote.

In March, the Missouri Court of Appeals upheld McElwain’s decision to throw out the conviction. And last week, the Osage County prosecutor announced that she would not retry him at this time, although she noted there is no statute of limitations for murder.

Helmig is living with his brother in Rocky Mount, near the Lake of the Ozarks, and has been looking for work without success. At least that gives him plenty of opportunities to go fishing, and he never feels freer than when he has a fishing rod in his hand on that river where some mighty big crappie swim.

He also proudly describes the accomplishments of his children, including his youngest daughter, now 16, who was a toddler when he went to prison.

“There’s such a big gap between being in diapers and 16,” he said.

Wrongfully convicted

Josh Kezer was 19 when thrown into the decrepit prison in Jefferson City once dubbed the “bloodiest 47 acres in America.”

In 1994, a jury found him guilty of second-degree murder for the 1992 killing of Mischelle Lawless along a highway exit ramp in Scott County, Mo.

Kezer claimed he’d never met her. No murder weapon was found and no physical evidence linked Kezer to the crime, though at trial Hulshof argued that it did.

As he did in Mark Woodworth’s murder trial the next year, Hulshof appealed to the jury’s sense of justice.

“You are our only hope,” he told them.

A judge’s order freed Kezer in 2009.

In his ruling, Circuit Judge Richard Callahan, now the U.S. attorney in St. Louis, said the entire criminal justice system failed in Kezer’s case, from the investigation through the trial and the appellate process. That included when investigators withheld police reports and notes favorable to Kezer’s defense, he ruled.

Callahan also noted that evidence presented at trial and cited by Hulshof in his closing argument has since been refuted or proved false.

Hulshof summarized the evidence against Kezer this way: “We put him at the scene. We put a gun in his hand. We put the victim with him. We have got blood on his clothes.”

In ordering Kezer’s release, Callahan wrote: “We now know that none of what Mr. Hulshof said in that final summary was true.”

Hulshof says that phrase has been unfairly reported in the news media. Later, Callahan wrote a letter to Hulshof in which he apologized for the way the media had portrayed the ruling.

“I never believed that you personally withheld any evidence,” Callahan wrote.

In his ruling, Callahan noted that the jail inmates who testified that Kezer confessed to them later had recanted.

A man who testified that he saw Kezer in a car near the murder scene was himself a suspect — although a sheriff’s deputy testified he wasn’t. That man also gave conflicting accounts of who was in that car. That was among the information not provided to the defense before trial, court records say.

And the woman who testified that she saw Kezer and Lawless argue at a party shortly before the murder later admitted she was wrong. The party’s host came forward after the trial to say that Kezer didn’t even attend the party.

When Hulshof told jurors there was blood on Kezer’s clothes, he was referring to several spots that reacted to a preliminary test for blood. He described how the test “glows like a Christmas tree.” Only years later did lab workers conduct a test that determined the spots were not human blood.

In his ruling, Callahan said the prosecution knew at trial that the testing did not prove the presence of blood, yet argued that it did.

“The prosecutor also knew there was no evidence linking any of it, whatever it was, to Mischelle Lawless or Josh Kezer,” the judge wrote.

Hulshof said recently that jurors knew from expert testimony that the test was only presumptive and that based on the evidence, it was a “reasonable inference” to argue that the substance was blood.

For Kezer, it was an example of how Hulshof operated in the courtroom.

“Hulshof’s tactic is smoke. Juries see smoke and think there’s fire,” Kezer said. “He creates the smoke.”

Kezer sued the county and several law officers over his wrongful conviction because they had withheld information. He settled the case, reportedly for several million dollars. Hulshof was not named in the suit and in fact aided Kezer by testifying that the information also was withheld from the prosecution.

Kezer, who now lives in Columbia, said he refused to allow the anger and bitterness over his situation to fester during his prison years. And he now works to support others prosecuted by Hulshof. He recently donated $10,000 to a defense fund for Rick Clay, who, like Kezer, Helmig and Woodworth, maintains that he is innocent of murder.

Still fighting

Clay was one day and 15 feet away from death.

This January, cloistered in a glass and cinder block holding cell next to Missouri’s death chamber, he waited for word from the governor on whether he would live or die.

It seemed a forlorn hope.

As attorney general, Nixon vigorously had advocated capital punishment. Throughout Clay’s appeals, Nixon’s office had fought to keep him locked up. And Nixon had been Hulshof’s boss when he won the conviction and death sentence against Clay for a 1994 killing in New Madrid County, Mo.

As Clay’s execution hour drew near, his attorneys argued for more time to pursue Clay’s innocence claim. To bolster their argument, they invoked Hulshof’s involvement.

“Also significant to the heightened need for a thorough clemency process for Mr. Clay is the fact that the overriding reason alleged for his wrongful conviction is prosecutorial misconduct by Kenny Hulshof,” they wrote. “Hulshof has a track record of misconduct that cannot be ignored.”

Nixon surprised many people, especially Clay, when he commuted his sentence to life in prison. Nixon did not explain his reasons but stated at the time that he still believed Clay was guilty. The governor declined to comment for this story.

Hulshof said he has not spoken to Nixon about the decision, and he declined to say if he agreed with Nixon’s action.

“Our justice system in Missouri allows for the governor of the state to commute a sentence, and so the justice system has worked whether you have personal feelings or views about it or not,” Hulshof said.

Not since 1999, when Mel Carnahan commuted a death sentence after a personal request from Pope John Paul II, had a Missouri governor taken that action.

At Clay’s trial, no physical evidence linked him to the killing of Randy Martindale inside Martindale’s rural home.

The state’s case hinged on the testimony of Clay’s friend, Charles Sanders, who was having an affair with Stacey Martindale, the victim’s wife.

Initially charged with the murder, Sanders pleaded guilty to a lesser charge.

Clay contends that he and Sanders went to the house that night to sell the wife drugs and that her husband was alive when they left. The wife, who was home during the killing, claimed she didn’t see who shot him. But she stood to gain a big insurance payout from his death. Prosecutors accused all three of involvement.

In Clay’s trial, Sanders denied being with Clay that night and testified that Stacey Martindale confided in him that she was going to get Clay to kill her husband.

At trial, Hulshof asserted to the jury that Sanders would be sentenced to 10 years in prison as part of his plea agreement.

“Let there be no mistake about it,” Hulshof assured them.

The jury convicted Clay. Convicted separately, the victim’s wife was sentenced to 15 years in prison.

But Sanders received probation. On appeal, Clay claimed that his jury was misled about the state’s plea agreement with Sanders.

In 2001, a federal judge threw out Clay’s conviction, agreeing that in an attempt to bolster Sanders’ credibility, the prosecution did not disclose that its deal with Sanders was flexible and he could receive anywhere from probation to up to 10 years.

“The state needed the jury to believe Sanders to convict Clay,” the judge wrote.

But the state appealed that ruling, and a federal appeals court later reinstated Clay’s death sentence.

Hulshof said that his involvement in the case ended after Clay’s sentencing, and he was not involved in any sentencing arrangements later made with Sanders.

Clay said he now is focused on continuing his struggle for freedom.

“I just want to get my innocence proved,” he said in a recent prison interview.

The next big ruling

Mark Woodworth is awaiting a ruling in his case that could come at any time.

He wants a new trial and hopes, like Helmig and Kezer before him, that he will be found “actually innocent.”

Among allegations Woodworth’s attorney raised in a four-day hearing this spring in Columbia is that information favorable to Woodworth’s defense was withheld.

Ramsey, Woodworth’s attorney, questioned Hulshof during the hearing about a series of letters written before Woodworth was charged. Those letters showed that a key witness had implicated someone else.

Hulshof testified that he could not specifically recall if the letters were in his file before the trial or if they were turned over to the defense.

But he said it was widely known in the community and by the defense that someone else had been implicated.

Boone County Circuit Judge Gary Oxenhandler, appointed by the Supreme Court to preside over the hearing, also questioned Hulshof about the letters.

“If they were in your file, it would have been appropriate, in your opinion, to deliver those to the defense, correct?” he asked. “There wouldn’t be any excuse for not delivering them, would there?”

“No, sir,” Hulshof responded.

For 11 of his years incarcerated, Woodworth lived in the same prison as Helmig. They often discussed their cases and looked out for each other.

“I think Mark is going to be the next one to go home,” Helmig said recently.

Helmig and Woodworth both declined to offer an opinion about Hulshof.

“I’ve got some thoughts, but I don’t want to jeopardize my case,” Woodworth said.

Yet he hopes that something Hulshof once said in Congress will prove prophetic:

“The passage of time is no reason to deny justice.”

The Star’s Mark Morris contributed to this report. To reach Tony Rizzo, call 816-234-4435 or send email to trizzo@kcstar.com.

Posted on Sat, Aug. 20, 2011 10:15 PM